I made it to 19.2 lbs lost.  I think that's pretty good for two months.  I'm still behind some other people in Biggest Loser, but let's see where we all are a year from now.....

I started having dizzy spells on Thursday.  I am sure I'm eating enough, and I am eating very healthy.  Healthier than I have ever eaten before in my life.  Yesterday, I was at my sister's house, and I had a dizzy spell that was bad enough to be noticable.  My mom and grandmother are already convinced I'm starving myself.  They were there yesterday armed with two packages of cookies, and they ordered pizza.  I was amazed at how not tempted I felt.  I even went grocery shopping, walked right down the junk food aisle, and was almost to the end of the aisle before it even registered what aisle I was in.

By the time I got home my dizziness had become a migrane.  It was almost 80 degrees yesterday.  I had been looking forward to it all week long.  But, by the time I got back from my sister's house I pretty much had a migrane.  I went to bed early - 7:30 ish I think - and around 9:30 my step-mother called.  Suffice it to say my dad is not doing well at all.  When he gets out of the hospital this time, my step-mother thinks they're going to have to call in hospice.  Of course that means that they're finally admitting that this is the end.  No more treatment.  I don't know if my dad is really there yet, but my poor step-mother and sisters really can't keep taking care of him without help.

After I spoke to my step-mother, I was wide awake, and I was very determined that I was going to go to Food Kitty to get some chocolate ice cream.  I decided I would lay on the sofa, watch Harry Potter, and eat the whole damn container.  Here's how addle minded I was last night - the reason I didn't do it......  wait for it......  I couldn't find my bike helmet.  The keys to my fully functioning car were right beside the front door.  But, I couldn't find my bike helmet.  Therefore, I couldn't go anywhere.

It is still nice out today, and I did go out for a bike ride.  I rode my bike to OA, to the bikeshop, back home for lunch, then to work.  I will ride it home when I get off at 8:00 pm.  I still have a headache though, and I don't know what's causing it.  I hope it's not the backlight on my Droidpad.

Friday I had no strength at the gym - I mean zippity doo-dah.  I just couldn't do it.  My muscles and joints were really hurting.  That should have been my first clue that a migrane was coming.  This morning, my computer decided it hates me, and I spent up until time to go to OA on the phone arguing with Dell.  Let me tell you nothing makes me want to eat compulsively like being angry.

According to the gym scale this morning, I have lost 18.2 pounds.  I am actually semi-hopeful that I'll be down 20 lbs by Saturday weigh-in.  What this means is that I'm pretty much back to where I was before I broke my leg.  I am hoping to lose another 5 or 6 before I go to Florida for no particular reason at all. 

There's not a lot to report.  The time change has got me completely buggered as The Professor would say.  It hurt when the alarm went off at 5:00 and my body was saying, "No!  It's only 4:00!  Go back to sleep!"  I did, however, manage to drag my lazy behind up out of the bed and go to the gym for a 36 minute cardio.  Plus, I was really digging the fact that it was daylight at 6:30.  But, not anymore.  I'm thinking I'll really like the fact that it's daylight when I peddle home tonight.  However, I am so completely wiped out that I'm thinking about skipping my OA meeting tonight.  The only reason I'm even hesitating is because then I'll have to wait until Saturday for another meeting to come up.

My step-mother handled me telling her that basically I'll have to do all my own cooking while I'm there pretty well.  We'll see how my dad does with it.  I'm not saying I won't eat with the family.  I'm just going to eat my own food.  I had to go to Mom's yesterday for the twins' birthday party, and Mom just took it as a personal insult that I brought my own food.  She was like, "You're still on you're diet, but I cooked all this.... and who's going to eat all these carrots...." it just went on and on.  Like it's not hard enough to be there with all that food right in your face.  I think the twins had a nice birthday.  Although they did not like the birthday cake. 

This Amused Me

In my job, we do safety plans with all of our clients - how to stay safe in an unsafe situation.  So, I shared at my last OA meeting that I am definitely going to Florida to see my dad, and my sponsor said, "So, we need to create a safety plan for you..."  Just hearing the words "safety plan" used in that context really amused me.  Although, it is an appropriate use of the term.  For me, a compulsive overeater and sugar addict, going to my dad's house is an unsafe situation.  So, step one in my safety plan was to alert my step-mother that I am on a fairly strict diet, and that I'll have to cook for myself while I'm down there.  And that I'll probably have to go grocery shopping almost immediately when I get there.  I'll be carrying lunch, dinner, and a snack with me when I travel, but I still have to eat the next day.  As much as possible, I'd like to keep to my normal schedule of:  Get up, go to the gym, come home, cook breakfast, lunch, and dinner all in one shot.  It makes for a hectic morning, but it makes the rest of my day soooo much easier.  It makes eating on a schedule so so so much easier.  When, it's time to eat, I just pop my plastic container in the microwave and eat.  All of my meals are carefully planned and measured out - sometimes days in advance.  I know exactly what I am going to eat - and how much of it I'm going to eat - for every meal from now until payday.

Something else that amuses me is that the local chapter of OA meets at my step-mother's church.  I could almost walk or ride a bike there.  My sponsor said there is a number I can call, and if need be, they will come and pick me up to take me to meetings.  I'm trying to decide between a gym membership and a bike while I'm down there.  The gym membership is more cost effective - and ultimately - a better calorie burn.  But, the last two times I've been down there, my family has effectively held me hostage without a car.  I can have the bike delivered to the house.

As of this morning, I have lost 15.6 lbs.  It might actually be a little more because I hadn't yet gone to the bathroom when I weighed myself this morning.  I usually try to weigh myself AFTER I've gone to the bathroom and before I eat anything.  I am also ridiculously happy that I can wear the pants I'm wearing and not have a muffin top.  I also have a pair of jeans that I bought after the start of biggest loser that I can now pull up and down without ever unbuttoning them.

I had a set back on Friday night.  I ate red meat.  I know that sounds strange since there's nothing wrong with red meat in and of itself, but it's not a food I can generally eat in moderation.  I also never realized how high calorie a steak is before Friday night.  It completely screwed my food budget on Friday.

I can give all the excuses of the constant exposure to junk food all week long, being chased around by a co-worker with a piece of cake, male friend who unitentionally hurt me.  But, it doesn't matter.  I'm back in the saddle.

I had an Oh Shit moment last night and this morning.  I was cooking dinner and generally knocking around my kitchen when I opened my fridge door and the light didn't come on.  I put my hand on the front of the fridge and realized it wasn't humming.  It was off.  I had an epic freak out.  I have two weeks worth of food in my freezer.  I don't get paid again until the 15th.  I cannot afford to lose that food.  What if it took my landlord awhile to get around to replacing/repairing the fridge?  How would I stick to my food plan?  I tossed and turned all night last night because of it, so working until 11pm tonight is going to SUCK.  So, this morning I called my landlord, and the office manager said she would send someone right over.  It was the circuit breaker.  Apparently my fridge and one outlet I don't usually use are on a breaker all by their little lonesome.  Boy did I feel dumb.

I was talking to the bike shop about which would be more affordable - for me - to pay the cost of putting disc brakes onto the bike I already own, or buying another bike that already has disc brakes on it.  The cost of a Trek 4300 (what I have) with disc brakes is $675.  The cost of putting disc brakes onto my bike would be a good $450 - that's still $225 less than buying a new bike and $225 is $225.  That's a lot of money.  Also, I haven't ruled out wanting the Giant Roam as a second bike.  Disc brakes or no - I would never be comfortable enough on that bike to ride it in the rain, but it would be a great sun and fun bike.  I have my commuter bike for sale on Craigslist.  My add clearly says that it's a good bike for a tall person.  Yet, until last night, the only response I'd gotten was from someone who is only 5'5".  But, yesterday, a man in Charlottesville called, asked if a man could ride it (why wouldn't a man be able to ride it?), and if I thought 5'9" was too short to ride it.  He wanted to come last night which I didn't see the point in coming all the way from Charlottesville to see it at night.  Officially, he is now going to come see it on Saturday.  It briefly occured to me that he was trying to find out where I live, so he could come steal the bike.  So, I've moved it inside the house.  I have my mountain bike with me at work, but I will also be keeping it inside the house for the time being.  I have locks for both the bikes, but locks can be cut off.

Yesterday was a rough day.  I knew before I ever left the house that it was going to be a bad day.  Before I ever left the house I was having a Murphy's Law kind of morning.  If it could have went wrong it probably did.  A little voice in my head said, "Call in sick."  But, I didn't call in sick because I wasn't sick.  I went to work.

When I arrived at work, I went to the staff kitchen to put my lunch and dinner away, and there it was.  It was just sitting on the counter.  It could have been a package of crackers, but I just knew that wasn't what it was.  I actually stopped dead in my tracks and leaned back to get a better look.  Yup.  Chocolate chip cookies.  With great determination, I picked them up and hid them in the cabinet.  The problem was that I still knew they were there.  They called to me all damn morning.  When I went down to the corner store to get some drugs caffiene, the craving for Reece's Cup - hell a Hershey's bar - ANYTHING was stronger than it usually was.  Finally, lunch time arrived, and I was starting to feel like I was back under control.  Then, some well meaning woman showed up at our front door with three BIG BOXES of Little Debbies. 

And, that is how I ended up locked in the bathroom, crying on the phone to another OA member, and desperately digging through my OA books looking for something - anything - that would get me through.  One thing is becoming clear - I desperately need another job.  Not only because this one doesn't pay worth a damn, but because this place is unhealthy for me.  People drop junk food off here all the time thinking it's a good deed.  It's constant temptation, and sooner or later, I'll probably end up giving in.  Just like an alcoholic working in a bar will eventually give in.  It doesn't matter if I get the intern or someone to put it away where I can't see it.  I know it's there.

Then, this morning, I simply couldn't drag myself out of bed to go to the gym.  My entire body aches.  It's like withdrawal all over again, and I didn't give in.  I did manage to ride my bike to work, and I have to go to the gym tonight because it's Biggest Loser night.  Tomorrow I have to work at Ye Ol' Evil Part-time Job.  We're still on 4- 11.  I need the money from this crap job, but I really don't know how much longer I can stand this 4-11.  It's too much.  That's 15 hour work day for me, and 5:00 am comes really early in the morning.