New Blog

I decided to start a new blog that few, if anyone from my RL, will have access to.  There's several reasons for this not the least of which is one friend who doesn't do well at keeping confidences.  I don't think that it's malicious.  She's a great friend in many other ways.  She just has a big mouth.  The other reason also has to do with this same person because she tends to have a "monkey see, monkey do..." thing going on.  I don't want her, or anyone else in my RL, to know I've joined Overeaters Anonymous.  But, in her case, I don't want her to start showing up at OA because that brings us right back to problem #1.  I like having a place I can go and say things I not only wouldn't but couldn't say anything else.  Example: "I absolutely believe that God (a power greater than myself) can restore me to sanity and remove the character defect of compulsive overeating and sugar addiction.  I'm just not sure I believe that he will.  My experience with God hasn't actually been like that.  Usually, if I pray for something the exact opposite is almost guaranteed to happen."  There is no place outside of OA I could ever safely say that IRL.  If I said that at the meeting house, the verbal smack down I would get would hurt worse than a physical slap or punch ever could.  I might even get put out of membership.  If I said it in front of Big Mouth, it would probably get brought up at the next meeting of the C.S. Lewis Society.

Also, having nothing to do with this person - at this point - I don't want anyone in my RL knowing about Overeaters Anonymous.  My family that lives around me - we don't do 12 Step Groups.  We don't do counseling.  We don't get help.  To admit being powerless over my addiction is a huge character flaw.  But, if I'm successful with achieving long term abstinence from sugar addiction, then that means maybe they could start confronting their own addictions.  They don't want that.  People like themselves how they are - whether they admit it or not.  When one person in a group - especially in a family - starts changing then everyone around them is forced out of their comfort zone and forced to make changes as well.  Since people don't like that, it is human nature, that they will try and force the *trouble maker* back into their mold, so that everything can go back to how we like it.  So, I'm trying to be as secretive about what I'm doing as possible.  I don't want to argue with my family about not eating any refined sugar.  I don't want to argue with them about not eating red meat, and that would be a huge argument.

I think I'd even get opposition from my Meeting if they knew about it - because if I need OA then there's something that I need there that I'm not getting from the Meeeting, and that idea would be offensive to them.